I stood anxiously on the edge of the field, walking back and forth as the gaggle of athletes prepared for the tense race ahead. This is the Japanese Derby, one of the most serious bouts of equestrian sport in the entire country, and here I was ready to clutch gold for the first time in my career. But only if my shining star, Special Week, is able to capitalise on her training to come out on top.
We’ve been training for what feels like an eternity, jumping between drills to make sure she’s got the mental and physical capabilities required to race against the finest anime horse girls in the world - or Uma Musume, as this universe tends to call them. All of a sudden, they’re out of the paddock, pacing themselves across a 1600m track as I cheer in triumph while they do all they can to overtake the competition and settle into a steady rhythm. Take your time, Special Week, you still have a long way to go.
I silently pray on the sidelines, swapping between erratic screams of encouragement and soft moments of contemplation as I pray Special Week is able to rank on the podium. Not just so we can advance up the league tables, but so she isn’t disappointed in herself. That all of this hard work and sacrifice has been worth it. When she emerges in fourth place, I want to bring her into my arms and celebrate. But there are more races to come, so we continue onward.
Umamusume: Pretty Derby Is Way Better Than It Has Any Right To Be
Developed by Cygames,Umamusume: Pretty Derbyreleased for mobile and PC earlier this week and has already become a constant fixture on my second monitor. It’s essentially just a gacha game in which you race anime horse girls against one another to make them stronger. You’ll rise up the tournament ladder until your chosen athlete is the very best in the world, so you can pick another and do it all over again.
Rolls can be executed to find new girls and a bunch of adorable support cards, but most of your time will be spent going through narrative campaigns in which you can select from activities to train during, speak with friends, and go through an overarching story I’m only scratching the surface of. In many ways, it’s yet another money-sucking mobile title, but its wonderful aesthetic, engrossing mechanics, and story-based approach to racing anime horse girls to their own personal victories have won me over immediately.
There are other races and activities you can take part in aside from the main campaign, in order to gain precious skill points and form new relationships.
There is a moreish quality to the way it frames each career mode. You pick a horse girl from your roster of pulled athletes and embark on a journey to level them up and go for gold. You will also stumble upon unique cutscenes, dialogue, and story sequences, which, from what I can tell, are unique to each athlete. Some are naturally more interesting than others, doubly so if they’re characters from the official anime, which are denoted by higher grades and far lower pull rates. My girl Special Week, for example, is the anime’s core heroine.
But why are the races that make up the bulk of Pretty Derby so damn good? Because, when you put aside the absurdity of anime horse girls racing for supreme victory, there is a weirdly prescient sense of reality to the whole thing.
And I Want To See These Anime Horse Girls Succeed No Matter What
Races themselves feel like big events, and despite the absurdity of anime girls standing on the track like glorified animals, the game still spends time developing them into a range of compelling characters, each with their own flaws and motivations.
Special Week wants to make her two mothers proud and eat a bunch of sweet treats while doing so. She’s a bit of a glutton, talking about all-you-can-eat donut specials at the nearby bakery on her days off and often forgetting the importance of training and drills because of her airheaded personality. But she wants nothing more than to succeed, and that’s exactly what makes cheering her on as a Trainer so compelling.
There’s also a character with the surname ‘McQueen’ who I’m training to win races purely so I can scream ‘Kachow!’ whenever she crosses the finish line.
You’re also a character of your own, similar to how an empty spectre is addressed by others in the game world in the likes of Idolmaster. As a trainer, you exist in this world to ensure the horse girls are capable of reaching their full potential without compromise. What has floored me most is that, so far, I actually care about the wider story that’s unfolding in front of me.
And nothing is more important than watching your horse girl of choice stepping onto the field and preparing to take on the world. So many races I’ve been stuck in the middle of the pack, desperate for Special Week to activate her special ability and regain just enough ground. It’s not uncommon to fail in reaching the top spot, but so long as you’re gaining enough rewards to keep on going, it’s all worth it.
Umamusume: Pretty Derby might sound like the most absurd concept for a game you’ve had the pleasure of seeing in years, and it’s quintessentially Japanese to boot, but I promise that once you’ve raised your first horse girl from nothing, you’ll never look back.
