Date Everything!Let us become acquainted with our house appliances, either as friends, enemies, or even lovers. From Rainey the vinyl player to the rubber duck Rebel, the game has delightful stories with compelling, yet weird romance arcs. But why stop there?
But what if we went to our nearest house appliance store and decided to get some potential new Dateables for our everyday life? Come with me and let’s imagine that scenario for a bit; I refuse to let go of this game, and you should too.
10Printer
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Mac
The office space regales us with the tales of Dasha the desk, Chance the d20, and Jerry the junk drawer. However, one of the most important appliances in there is Mac, the computer, and since you start the game by working remotely, it would only make sense to get a Printer to accompany the rest of your work setup.
While it’s true that you can romance every single character in this game, let’s be honest, some of them are better as friends. Several Dateable are even canonically having relationships with other characters, and Mac could be one of such characters; not only would you be giving them a new partner, but also getting a new friend!
9Carpet
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Florence
It’s a cool evening, you have a mug with tea, a book in your lap, and some cookies on a platter, so what else could you possibly need? A furry carpet helping you feel warm, both figuratively and literally, through the power of love and suspension of disbelief (not you, Skylar, sorry.)
I know, we have Florence, but hey, the work of an assistant is a solitary one; she deserves a companion for her work shenanigans, and you deserve another shot at finding the love of your life. Besides, those furry carpets feel great and look cozy.
8Blender
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Beverly, Stefan
A blender can serve different purposes; from cooking to bartending, you’re able to use this useful tool to mix some ingredients whenever the need arises. Which is why it would make sense that either Beverly or Stefan would be interested in this possible Dateable, as they would be involved the most with them.
However, due to the mixing nature of this kitchen tool, why should they be constrained to a single relationship? A possible polycule with both Stefan and Bev could be in the cards for them, and hey, you could potentially add yourself to the recipe. The more, the merrier!
7Rice Cooker
Possible Non-Player Relationship:
Ok, have you ever had a kitchen appliance that makes you say, “If anybody tries to take this away from me, I might commit a crime”? No? Just me? Well, wait until you have one of these and let’s talk then; a rice cooker would prove to be an interesting addition to the kitchen roster of characters, even though it would probably crash with one in particular.
Take a look at Friar Errol and tell me if they wouldn’t make an interesting couple. Two similar kitchen tools that serve similar, yet distinctively different functions? That sounds like some classic enemies-to-lovers storyline to me.
6Kettle
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Daisuke, Kopi
Coffee is a staple in any house, which is why Kopi is the obvious choice of hot beverages for your home in Date Everything. Unfortunately, coffee sucks, and I’d rather have some tea in the morning, so if you have good taste like me, a kettle will be a welcome addition as a Dateable.
However, while Kopi might be resentful at first, she’ll come around and maybe even become close friends with this kettle. But the climax of a storyline like this comes when Daisuke meets this new character; in a classic romantic triangle, which hot beverage would be the better option for this fine dishware?
5Punching Bag
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Kristof
We have several exercise-adjacent Dateables in the roster, but none of them are focused exclusively on martial arts combat, which is why a Punching Bag could add some spice to the gym room. However, which character could be the perfect partner for this object?
You, of course, after all, a punching bag would be the most useful to the only human of the house. Yeah, sure, Kristof also wants to help you strengthen your body, and to be fair, they could be great friends (or even lovers if you don’t want to go that route), but after a good old training montage, not even you could take your eyes off the true master.
4Bean Bag
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Lyric
We already have a couch in the living room, and plenty of space for chairs as well, but even though they’re wonderful characters and furniture, nothing ever beats a comfy, squishy bean bag to sit in your room and chill for a while; Koa might be comfortable, but sleeping in a cloud just hits differently.
And if you want to remain just friends with them, Lyric is the perfect partner for them; the only thing that improves a bean bag is a book to read, and after seeing the kind of stories Lyric can brainstorm, those two won’t need you around for too long.
3Woodcutting Axe
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Dante
One thing about this game is that you cannot get outside and explore (at least not without some extra steps), but what if we could spend time in our private yard? Well, that would open a world of possibilities, as you could now enjoy different activities out in the open, while still remaining within the privacy of your home.
This is why a woodcutting axe isn’t out of the realm of possibilities; a Dateable that represents this item could be an interesting character to meet, and who knows, maybe all the lumbering could help it connect with Dante, the fireplace. Please do not get it near Prissy, though, or she’ll get nervous.
2Garden Shears
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Everyone
In this game, you find yourself unable to get out of your house for a while, but also the objects inside. And you know what happens when people don’t get outside for too long: quarantine hairstyles. Yeah, you’ve been there, I’ve been there, we don’t have to talk about it, but we don’t want it to happen again, right?
Which is why you might want to buy a pair of garden shears, which could take the form of a stylish hairstylist that helps all the Dateables to find new hairstyles to avoid boredom. And who knows, if you play your cards correctly, she might take a liking to all of you.
1My Ability To Organize Things
Possible Non-Player Relationship: Doug
Date Everything isn’t stranger to embracing less corporeal concepts and giving them an identity, you have nightmares, rejection, and even the credits of the game to romance, which is why a concept like your ability to organize things is feasible as a character. Of course, organizing things is a constant struggle, and with a storyline that involves finding the right setup for your furniture and appliances, you could become familiar, and why not, even intimate with your sense of organization.
The thing is, I suck at being organized, which is why I think that, instead of romancing this concept, I would skip the friendship ending and immediately become enemies with them. This is why pairing them with Doug would work amazingly, as I dread looking at my room’s mess, but I dread even more the upcoming moment when it becomes too much and I have to bring order to my life. God, I hate Marie Kondo.
