Video game mascots may not be as prominent as they once were, but there are still certain characters we strongly associate with specific brands, developers, and publishers. The latest one to take the stage isAstro Bot, masquerading as PlayStation’s mascot.
When Astro’s Playroom came free with all PS5s, Astro Bot’s fate was sealed. However, I, personally, do not accept it. Sony didn’t consult us, the players, when changing up who represents it, and some would argue it doesn’t have to, but I still feel insulted. Here’s why I’m not accepting Astro Bot as the new face of Sony.
8He Looks Too Smug
No One Smiles That Much
You might think Astro Bot is cute, adorable even, with his little screen-face and blue eyes. Me? I sense a smugness in his aura that I just can’t get past. He knows what he’s doing. He knows how to manipulate you into thinking he’s mascot worthy.
He doesn’t even have a mouth, but I know he’s smiling. And that smile is not out of pure, innocent joy. It’s smugness. Conceitness. Knowing that he has you all wrapped around his little finger. Not me though. I’ve resisted his little charms.
7He Infiltrated My PS5 Without My Permission
Who Said I Wanted Your Game?
Who said I wanted Astro’s Playroom on my PS5? This reminds me of the time Apple put a U2 album on all our iPhones for free, but no oneaskedfor that. I didn’t opt in to this little smug robot taking up precious memory space on my PS5. Ask me next time, Sony.
I will admit Astro was more gracious with his sequel, the titular Astro Bot, but once again, look at the title. It’s just his name. No creativity, just utter conceit. Not the energy I want on my PS5, thank you very much.
6He’s A Try Hard
Being A Mascot Doesn’t Come Naturally To You, Does It Astro?
I know Astro Bot wants to be Sony’s mascot. He wants it so bad. His squeaky-clean appearance and personality tells me as much. He wouldn’t put a toe out of line, just so he can remain the face of everything Sony represents.
Where’s some authenticity? I just don’t feel like I’m seeing the real Astro Bot. He’s trying too hard to be the goody-two-shoes little guy that appeals to parents looking to buy their kids a game for Christmas. It’s working for him, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
5He Feels Like An Industry Plant
Taking Manufactured To A Whole New Level
Everything about Astro Bot feels manufactured, from his blue eyes to the little antenna on his head. He was created in a boardroom by executives thinking only of the cash he’s going to bring in, not designed from the heart.
Nothing about Astro Bot’s popularity feels natural to me. Someone at Sony calculated his every move for maximum outreach and potential. You could even say everything he does is robotic, and that would be completely true.
4He Beat My Game Of The Year To The Game Of The Year Award
No, I’m Not Salty
Astro Bot won Game of the Year last year. Sure, it’s a win for platformers and family games. I can appreciate that. But you know what should have won? Metaphor: ReFantazio. It’s got heart, a politically-charged story, andexcellent turn-based combat.
What does Astro Bot have? Oh, jumping around a bit. Great. LittleBigPlanet did that 15 years ago.
3He’s Like Wall-E’s Eva, But With None Of The Heart
I’d Rather Be Watching Up
Astro Bot’s design immediately reminded me of something. Wall-E’s robot girlfriend, Eva. They’ve got the same blue eyes and white… um. Body? Well, they look the same anyway. But you don’t see Astro Bot having a heart-felt romance with another robot and saving the Earth, do you?
He’s basically discount Eva, let’s be real. Maybe if Astro Bot can distinguish himself from other already iconic robots, then we can talk.
2He Can’t Even Get Final Fantasy Or Kingdom Hearts Cameos In His Game
Not Even Cloud?
There are loads and loads ofPlayStation cameos in Astro Bot. From popular series like God of War to indie titles like Kena: Bridge of Spirits, there’s a cameo from all walks of PlayStation history.
However, there are two pretty big, Square Enix-shaped holes in Astro Bot’s catalogue of cameos. Where’s Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts, huh? Couldn’t afford those big bucks? If Sora isn’t friends with Astro Bot, I’m sure as hell not.
1He Killed Sackboy With No Remorse
This Is Unforgivable
Ever since Astro Bot burst onto the scene, we haven’t heard a peep from our beloved Sackboy. The last game he featured in was Sackboy: A Big Adventure, and that launched with a whimper, rather than a bang, and I believe it’s all Astro Bot’s doing.
Sackboy represents joy, creativity, everything we love about PlayStation’s history. Why has Astro Botwiped him from the face of the Earth? It’s got to be some sort of severe jealousy, I’m sure. If we have Astro Bot because of Sackboy’s sacrifice, I can’t get behind that. Ever.
