Most people have had that one roommate that they, quite simply, cannot stand. It’s not always even that the roommate has done anything particularly wrong; sometimes people simply do not vibe with each other. And forcing two people who do not vibe together to live with each other is a recipe for two deeply unhappy people.
Rather than the deeply boring job of finding real people we don’t think we could possibly remain roommates with, we’ve decided to focus our dislikes on individuals who do not exist. There are many video game characters that might be fine in any other situation, but living with them? We’ll pass.
8Mario
The Guy Won’t Leave The Bathroom
Mariomight be handy in the Mushroom Kingdom, but here in the world I occupy, living with him would be an absolute nuisance. First, he disappears for long stretches of time. Does he cover his own part of the rent during this time? Unless that rent is coming in floating coins that have no discernable value, no.
But of all the places to disappear to, he disappears into the bathroom. Is it occupied? Isn’t it? How many knocks do I need to give before I know he’s off committing cartoon violence to Koopas? Not to mention: what happens if he comes back through the pipes, and I’m in the bathroom?
7Tom Nook
Never Live With Your Landlord
Tom Nook might look disarming with his patterned shirt and his too-good-to-be-true offers, but don’t let him get too close. Soon enough, you’re going to owe him hundreds of thousands of dollars, and he is going to have you under a watchful eye.
The only way to make this situation worse is to live with him. Who wants to live with their landlord? Every single decision that you make is going to be under scrutiny; every meal, every night out, every dollar spent.
6Trevor
You Already Know It’s Not A Good Idea
Most characters in this list need a little explanation when it comes to why they might make a terrible roommate. This is not the case with Trevor, at least not for anybody who’s played Grand Theft Auto 5.
Just look at his eyes. He has bad guy eyes.
I cannot imagine the horrors you would come home to if Trevor happened to be your roommate. More than likely, you’d be safe from Trevor’s escapades, at least in terms of living and dying. He needs you for rent, after all. But that doesn’t mean you won’t accidentally become an accomplice.
5Doom Guy
It’s Not All Doom And Gloom
Doom Guy might not be inherently bad; after all, the guy kills demons. That’s about as cut-and-dry as you can get, apart from B.J. Blazkowicz. Doom Guy knows his purpose, and he knows how to go about accomplishing that.
The only issue is that it seems like Doom Guy has one tool in his toolbox, and that tool is startling displays of hyper-violence. Sure, that’s useful when you’re up against an army from Hell. But when someone forgets to rinse the plates before they put them in the dishwasher? Let’s take it down a notch, big guy.
4Rabbids
I Need No Part Of Their Shenanigans
My only experience with the Rabbids is in the astonishingly good Mario + Rabbids: Kingdom Battle (and the slightly less good sequel). While the Rabbids are shockingly enjoyable additions to the Mario world, in the Mushroom Kingdom they can stay.
I’ve seen the havoc these things can accidentally wreak in a world of mostly harmless pleasantries. I don’t need to see the havoc they’ll wreak in a place that has a microwave and a garbage disposal.
3Caveira
Corner Peeking In My Own Home
Rainbow Six Siege has a lot of characters, but for the most part, they seem just like regular, normal people. They have things they like and dislike, relatively normal personalities, and occasionally, some pretty cool outfits.
So, this is not to say that Caveira would intentionally be a bad roommate. But, if I wake up late at night and need to head into a dark hallway, but I turn a corner and see Caveira coming towards me, I might have a heart attack and perish.
2Die Hardman
I Already Checked My Mail, Die Hardman
I’ve always had a great time with Death Stranding. Or, I’ve always had a great time with most of Death Stranding, with the exception being Die Hardman. For the most part, Die Hardman is fine. He’s an interesting character; well-acted, and well-written.
But I used to keep a running tally of how many times he told me to check my mail, immediately after I checked my mail. Eventually, it seemed unimportant to keep counting, because it was clear he was going to keep doing it until the end of time. I can imagine this extends to other parts of Die Hardman’s life, too.
“Sam, I see you’ve just done the trash. I just wanted to remind you that it’s your turn to take out the trash today. Also, it’s important to check your mail. Especially the mail with a yellow subject line. Keep up the good work, Sam.”
1GLaDOS
This Isn’t The Time For Puzzles
GLaDOS is one of the most iconic video game antagonists of the 2000s, and for good reason. She’s a part of a beloved game, and is generally quite funny (albeit quite deadly, too). While she’s an important part of a couple of very fun games, it would be much, much less fun to have to share a living space with her.
I imagine, at some point, you’d wake up to find your room is slightly different. Some deadly trap has been installed near the doorway, and the floor appears to have some kind of pressure switch. GLaDOS pokes her head in with some snide comment, and you realize you’re going to have to solve this puzzle in order to go make coffee.
The problem being, no puzzle is going to be solved if I have not had coffee. Thus, I would be doomed.
