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When you buy a game calledDate Everything, you know what you’re getting yourself into. You want to date more than just people, or one specific type of thing. You want to date, well, everything. Date Everything gives you that option, from concepts like nightmares to the considerably more tangible food in your fridge.
One of the Dateables present is Parker Bradley, the physical embodiment of board games. A board game always needs at least two to play, but when the board game becomes a person of its own, then you technically have two people. But just like many board games, a lot of things with Parker are up to chance.
How To Meet Parker
Unlike the vast majority of the Dateables in the game,Parker is not accessible from the beginning of the game. He is locked away in the attic, which can only be accessed once you have the key needed to unlock it. Which, of course, has gone missing. To access the attic, you need to get the Skeleton Key, Keith.Keith is hidden in the crawlspace, which can be accessed from the boiler room connected to your office by moving the mat covering the trap door.
Once you finally have that key, you may open the way to the attic, which houses quite a few new Dateables.Parker is also in here, as a box full of board games. However, there are quite a lot of boxes up here, some of which lead to Beau, and others to Lady Memoria, and one to Holly. Parker’s box is the one closest to the door, and is sat right beside the plastic plant, Prissy Plastique.
After awakening, Parker will be incredibly joyful, happy to finally have someone to play games with after being locked away in the attic for so long. After a brief introduction, he tells you to come back soon topartake in a gauntlet of board games as a means of earning his love.
Beating Each Of Parker’s Board Games
After your first conversation with Bradley, he will say that to earn his love,you must beat each of the board gameshe has planned. This is a slightly complicated process, as you don’t exactly have full control in these scenarios.Some board games really are just up to chance. That said, some of them do give you the ability to test your own skills.
Each victory gives you a point towards his love, while each loss adds a point towards him hating you.Your actual dialogue choices with Parker are irrelevantin this regard. So play to win, not to flatter.
Here’s how to beat each of Parker’s board games, and get a shot at earning his love.
Sandy Kingdom
Sandy Kingdom is the first game you play with Parker, a game styled a bit like a linear Monopoly.It has 12 spaces to navigate, and whoever reaches the end first is the winner. Parker offers you a choice of which piece you want to be, but this is irrelevant to the game itself. Especially since you may’t actually see it.
Throughout the game, you only really have one option, and that is to spin. Whatever number it lands on is the number of spaces you will move by.Each spot has a unique effect, such as advancing you forward, backward, or letting you stay in place. This is random for both you and Parker, and you can’t directly impact it. You have to live with whatever you are given.
However, you do have two extra options at your disposal.You can get Parker to strip, which will make him more flustered throughout the game. This doesn’t do much by itself, but does allow you to cheat more easily. Just once,you can choose to sneezeinstead of spinning, and this allows you to reposition the pieces. You can then choose to have yourself placed just one before the end, guaranteeing your next spin will ensure victory.
Parker does, however, track your cheating, so make sure not to do it too much in case he catches on.
After one of you reaches the end,you will gain a point towards a hate or love endingdepending on the winner.
While this board game is random in the spins you get,they seem to be predetermined from before the conversation starts. As such, the spins you get are determined after you finish your first conversation with Parker, before you even start Sandy Kingdom.
Chess
Chess is the second game that Parker challenges you to, and is thankfullyone you can play with actual tact. You don’t need a full awareness of how chess works to beat him here, just enough to know what it takes to win. Which is to capture the opponent’s King piece.
To that end, you should play this game honestly, as Parker isn’t very good at it.Allow a Pawn to be captured to open a line in his defenses. This will give you the freedom to get close to his King. In no time at all, you may achieve a checkmate and beat him. Easy-peasy.
As long as youplay aggressively, Parker should be easy to beat. He’s quite a passive opponent, so pushing forward will put him on the back-foot immediately.
Dairy Maker
The final game you play is all about industry, a European board game that, by your own character’s estimation, is seemingly quite complex and hard to understand.Thankfully, you don’t really have to understand iteither as it doesn’t have any real tangible rules.
At the beginning, Parker will offer you the chance toplay as either France or England, with him choosing Belgium. If you try to choose Belgium as well, he will deny you and assign you one of the other two nations instead.
The key to beating Parker is not in bolstering your own nation’s strengths, but in undermining his. Byexamining the playstyle of Belgiumearly on, you can learn that their priority in in manufacturing and selling dairy, while France and England are more about military advancement. While it might seem foolish at first,you should shift into dairy production as well.
At first, it will take a while to grow as your nation is not equipped for it, and it will seem a though Parker is winning keenly. However,keep at this pace and you will manage to outpace his dairy generation. Yours may not be of his quality, but you’re making such a sheer amount by number that you can corner the market entirely.
Parker will have to concede defeat, and you will have one. Other routes may be possible, but this is definitely the easiest path to success in this board game.
The Results
With the three board games completed, you must now talk with Parker once more. Early on, he confirmed thatyour relationship with him isn’t actually determined by your own choices, but by a roll of dice. So you may’t strictly choose to love him. Winning does help, however.
Having enlisted the aid of Chance in making custom-weighted dice,they will take into account all of your wins and losses, as well as the amount of times Parker caught you cheating. Chance will even remark before throwing the dice which outcome seems most likely. This is not a guarantee of that outcome, however.
After the dice are cast, you will get your ending with Parker. Andthis is final.
How To Change Your Relationship Status With Bradley
So, you beat all of Parker’s games. You even beat them all! Yet he still ended up hating you. You’re probably wondering if this can be fixed. Well, no. Since it is literally out of your hands,the ending you get is permanent, the use of a candy notwithstanding.
Like Sandy Kingdom, while the result is random and weighted by your previous victories,the actual outcome is determined after the result of your last board game, not during this actual conversation. As such, if you wanted to get a different ending, you would have to go back to before you finished the final board game, and hope for a better outcome.
