The word “gamer” has really evolved over the last few decades. A single descriptive noun, it’s grown into a culture of its own, cultivating its own colors, styles, behaviors, and ideals. Bright LEDs in vibrant colors contrast sleek black. Edgy war-centric graphics pair with crass and usually immature terminology. It’s at the point now that even people who play video games actively want to avoid being called a gamer.
You know who LOVES that gamer style, though? Corporate branding executives. In an effort to capture a rapidly growing market, they’re designing and developing all sorts of “gamer” style objects, from chairs to headphones to glasses. At this point, why not roll with it? What other household items should get the gamer treatment?
1Gamer Air Fryer
This Run Is Cooked
Since this is all about chasing trends, what better way to start than with the hottest kitchen trend of the last ten years? Air fryers are all the rage right now, offering high heat and crisp surfaces without the mess of oil.
Modern gaming devices, whether it’s console or PC, generate a lot of heat, so powerful heat dissipation technology is already in their wheelhouse. Just give it an RGB strip along the bottom and shape it like a loot crate or something, and bam, winner winner chicken dinner.
2Gamer Doorbell
!
With the rise of smart home technology, all sorts of previously mundane items are being shunted into the internet age. There are few better examples of this than doorbells. Previously a “press and it rings” item, smart doorbells have cameras, custom chimes, phone notifications, and other such nonsense.
How would one make a gamer doorbell? Aside from replacing your chime with some gamer notification (like Metal Gear Solid’s “!” sound), I don’t actually know. But that’s for the eggheads down in R&D to figure out.
3Gamer Vacuum
I Don’t Know How To Spell Vacuum
Finally, a gamer that sucks more than your Overwatch team, amirite? Gamer vacuums could offer a neon light, cyberpunk-esque way to encourage gamers to clean up after themselves. Offer high scores for surface area cleaned. Then they’ll be picking things up just to beat their friends’ rankings.
The biggest problem, though, is the gamer tendency to misspell things, whether it’s from poor grammar, intentionally going against society’s rules, or because your GamerTag was already taken online. Is it a Gamer Vaccuum? A Gamer Vaccum? XxGamerVacxX?
4Gamer Hoe
Something Worth Spending Diamonds On
Whether they’re a cozy gamer who plays all the latest farming sim RPGs, or a crafting survival savant who always keeps their in-game farm tended to, most gamers are familiar with the joys of agriculture. Why not make that joy a reality with a set of gamer-style gardening tools?
Have the built-in LEDs change color to reflect your stamina, encouraging you not to overexert yourself tilling soil. Have the weed pullers include a weed tracker. You could even sellmultiple identical versions of each tool; copper, iron, silver, gold, iridium; They’ll all just be different colors of aluminum, but you can charge more for the higher tier ones.
5Gamer Antidepressants
Become Gamer Pilled
The gamer aesthetic is, admittedly, not the most supportive for mental health. A lot of negativity and toxicity can exist online. This can make it difficult for folks to be open to getting the help they need. Gamer antidepressants could solve that.
Coming in three styles: Dr. Mario, Matrix Red Pill, or Fallout’s Rad-X (except you’re irradiated with depression). By giving a stylized shape that gamers can relate to, they might finally be able to uninstall League of Legends.
6Gamer Espresso Machine
Steampunk Homebrew
Gamers love caffeine, right? That’s why they keep buying those fruit-flavored powder drinks with the anime girls on them. No other reason. Why not introduce them to one of the longest living forms of caffeinated beverages: coffee? Not just regular coffee, though,artisan coffee mixes. And you can’t brew a killstreak affogato without espresso.
Real affogato is made of espresso and gelato and does not require any killing.
Since the coffee will keep them awake anyway, then the overly bright RGB lighting won’t be a problem, nor will the dubstep that plays as the water boils.
7Gamer Fish
I Named My Betta Fish Gwendolin
A great way to marvel in the beauty of nature without having to actually leave their gamer den, a well-built aquarium can be the perfect fit. But what do you stock it with? Well, some fish are more gamer than others. We’re not talking about that one goldfish that played Pokemon, either.
The Neon Tetra is a popular species of freshwater aquarium fish due to their vibrant colors, ease of care, and high availability. They’re the most gamer fish. And aquarium care is surprisingly similar to PC part maintenance, so it won’t be hard for a gamer to learn.
8Gamer Plant
/ROOT
Okay, so maybe a living creature isn’t a good pick. How about something simpler? We needgamer plants. Right now, houseplants are usually promoted to cottagecore HGTV watching folk. Plants aren’t cool, edgy, and hardcore. Unless, of course, they are.
Take a carnivorous plant, like a venus fly trap, put it in a green warp pipe planter, and provide a bottle of fertilizer relabeled to say “PlanterSupps”, and you have yourself the most pro gamer plant life this side of the leaderboards.
9Gamer Bidet
Critical Hit
Let’s keep things professional here, okay? While not super common in some countries, Bidets are a part of bathroom activities that can greatly assist in hygiene. And don’t you want gamers to be clean?
Bidets can be pretty high tech nowadays, and there are plenty of opportunities to gamify some of those components. Think of it as a cyber-style RGB version of those water gun games you’d see at carnivals and amusement parks, but for your… You know.
10Gamer Alexa
Or Any Other Smart Home Speaker Thing
There’s no denying that gamer culture isn’t exactly polite. Crass language, rude gestures, and violent or obscene acts are often brushed off as nothing in online game lobbies. Our data-collecting overlords at Amazon/Google/Apple can better appeal to that by making Alexa/Siri a gamer.
Take the same smart home device as usual, give it a set of bored anime eyes, and have it be rude to the user. Gamer Alexa calls you a scrublord when you miss an appointment on your calendar, Gamer Siri plays chiptunes, regardless of what genre of music you asked for. It sounds counterintuitive, but I promise gamers will absolutely love it.
Now that I think about it, rude robot women would probablyappeal to more than just gamers.
